“We each have a special something we can get only at a special time of our life. like a small flame. A careful, fortunate few cherish that flame, nurture it, hold it as a torch to light their way. But once that flame goes out, it’s gone forever.”
Haruki Murakami is genius, he’s able to capture the human condition – love, loneliness, transitions, limbo, etc – at its most vulnerable and revealing and leave an indelible mark in my mind. It’s like being startled by a camera flash and waiting for the visual burn-in to fade.
Except that I don’t want it to. I want to ruminate on that, on how it reflects my situation. Is it my style to jump heartfirst into something and not think of the enduring consequences or is it another start of an ending? If i’m already in it, should I stay to make it different this time? I want it, I want to embrace everything and deal with whatever comes along.
“…I have this strange feeling that I’m not myself anymore. It’s hard to put into words, but I guess it’s like I was fast asleep, and someone came, disassembled me, and hurriedly put me back together again. That sort of feeling.”
I wonder if I had that sort of effect on him… Was it a good idea to do that? Why do I feel a heavy sense of responsibility somehow? And not the lightness of heart that comes with being in love. Lighten up, lighten up. It takes two to share the load and it’s the journey that matters, though I often wish the destination was in sight.
